A Bad Fear Day

It happens.

It was one of those days that I felt it badly. It sneaked up in me this morning and grabbed me by the throat and threw me around for a bit. "Stuff" going on is the simple way to explain why I got overwhelmed for a bit today. I found that part of the solution to this feeling and the immobilizing condition that it brings on was to write about it... longhand and just pour it all out onto the page. Once I exhausted the word "fear", I tackled the words "afraid" and "scared" and listed all the things that I attached to them today. I finished by asking myself "Is there anything I am not afraid of today?"

The quick realization that followed the writing is that there were many things I am not afraid of; that what was scaring me was OK and that I could handle it and that I would be alright.

I followed this with a list of accomplishments for the last week, which was a far longer list then the fears and by the end, made me feel pretty good about "stuff".

This is the first time in quite awhile that I have felt this much fear, and a lot of times when I have, I have stayed stuck in it for several hours, sometimes days. It is immobilizing and has prevented forward motion before. The interesting thing about addressing it quickly in writing is in how quickly it dissipated and how much more I actually got done today because of the writing.

There is something to be said for writing in a journal. It allows one to sort out the real problems that can be worked on from the ones that are beyond control. It puts it back in perspective... at least for me.
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