My Cinderella Issue

In the original Grimm's Fairy Tale (GFT), I don't think that Cinderella was the helpless waif that the North American (NA) sanitized an beautified versions of the tale makes her out to be. I think that she a lot more spunk and she wasn't constantly sitting around bemoaning her terrible fate, whining at mice and waiting for the rodents and avian life to build her a dress for the ball. I also don't recall that Prince Charming was such a twit either, dancing around and believing that this was the "Princess" that would make his life complete. Grimm's seemed to imply that his life was already complete and well rounded and that the addition of Cinderella would simply enrich it. They weren't really saving each others butts in the original so much as providing opportunity for change and betterment.

My issue with the NA is that multiple generations of youth have grown up on that sucrose laden pablum, as compared to the more austere, violent and truthful GFT. I believe that this has left millions of children, young adults and some of us approaching middle age with a false sense of our own importance and the cultural implication that we need to be rescued. That someone will ride in and if the shoe fits, haul our sorry posteriors out of the ash pile and turn our lives from drudgery and damnation to a full time night club scene minus the pumpkin hour. In turn, the rider's life is going to become rich and whole because they made a rescue. Baloney, all you have are two needy people desperately seeking solace in the other and in turn constantly dragging each other further and further into their own personal morasses of misery.

What if the modern day Cinderella stopped whining and started doing? What if she found a bucket of water and washed her face and hands, combed her hair and mended her dress? What if she went into the village and looked for a job, any job, and just started to get out of the house and away from her negative environment. What if she stopped waiting to be rescued by the Prince and started her own rescue? Would teaching a little self-sufficiency to our youth be such a bad thing?

Let's face it, in the NA story, Prince is riding around with a glass slipper, that's a deadly weapon. What happens to the idea of doing some rescuing if he trips, falls and slits his throat on the broken shards? By the way, why does he need a whinging, whining broad for when he's the heir apparent and supposed to be busy doing a job of helping look after a kingdom. What's he really need with a woman to make his life complete? Enriched maybe, but not complete, because it should already be full and busy. He's a focused dude, not some love-struck puppy wandering around looking for a john so he can toss it off while he's waiting to try the 50's-look glass pump on his one and only.

Come on here people, what are we doing to ourselves when this is the drivel we are prepared to live off of? When this is what we are basing part of our societal structures on? Is it any wonder we are a confused bunch? Liberated, but waiting for him/her to rescue and fulfill us. Corporate climbing successes but still a failure without a full time marriage. Happiness is impossible without a partner. Love is the ultimate prize. Love is the only true success story. Why can't we be a success just because we are a whole person, doing something worthwhile as individuals? Why do we have to make the rescue/relationship the big story of our lives? What happens to our life when the rescue is over and the person is gone? We don't look too good, we don't feel too good, and we have belly-flopped, mega-cannonball splashed, big time failed. This is just a bad construct to have filling the minds of our youth. The media of cartoons and modern stories is not in tune with the rest of messages that we are trying to impart to those who wish to be successful adults.

Rewrite the story: You are a whole person with multiple interests and lots of people and things that you do that you enjoy in your life, all you don't have is full-time love relationship. Do you need one? Not really, it isn't what is going to make you happy because you already are happy. You are already fulfilled and self-reliant, but you give it a try because, well, if it works, your life might be a bit richer for it, if it fails, you still have your happiness and a full life. If the person that you try is already a happy, whole person, you are not rescuing, they are not needy, and they will add to, rather than take away from your life. Much better ending for everyone because now you are not busting your balls to back-fill the pits for another person who is sitting around uselessly gobbling up everything in sight as a way to ease their own psychic pain.

Neediness is a big hole and it takes a lot to fill it, that's why Cinderella needs the big castle and all the trappings to go with the Prince. She might be a nice girl, but she is one huge vacuum of narcissistic self-doubt and is totally devoid of self-confidence. If she hadn't been whining in the cinder pit, waiting for the fairy-godmother, she could have been fashioning together a drop-dead ensemble, bought on sale, paid for with her tips from Starbucks, and because she talks to so many people everyday at her job, she's already got the confidence to take on Princy and all the other fashionistas at the ball. She's not needy, she's one tough cookie with the chutzpah to take over the world. She doesn't need Princy, but if she decides she wants him, she'll try him on for size. If he doesn't fit into her life, she'll just head for the next ball.

As I said, I have a real Cinderella issue, and I personally detest the dichotomy that this type of media message has produced in me, on the one hand, supposed to be a capable self-sufficient woman but on the other, my life is not complete unless I am saved by Princy. I am so upset with the realization that I got gobbled up in the modern myth, like so many other women and men that I know, that I could burn the castle, slit Princy's throat with my own high heel and run mice through with a machete. If fairy-godmother ever shows, I think I will have to tell her to go do another kind of rescuing, start educating people that waiting to be rescued is wrong and useless and that changing your attitude to be bit more "can do" is the best possible remedy to the cinder pit of life.

"To Do" Lists and Coffee

Two things occured to me this morning as I was waking up:

1. How much I enjoyed the simple pampering of a cup of coffee delivered to me in bed.

2. How important it is for me to acknowledge the intangible things that I get done everyday.

The coffee delivery, although an important symbol of attentive caring, is not the point.

I honestly can't say that I know any compulsive "to do" list makers. I certainly am not one, but I do from time to time list things that I know have deadlines attached, mark events and appointments on the calendar and I make shopping lists so I don't forget why I went to town. Here's the rub though, I bet that some of those "to do" people experience an incredible sense of accomplishment at the end of their day or week that the rest of us don't experience. Why, because unlike them, we can't look back at the day or week or month and know how many things we got finished that propel us towards our goals because so many things are intangible (paperwork recorded, filed, mailed, appointments kept, deadlines met... think of anything that gets things done, but does not actually make something). We can't see these things once they are done, they produce no material results, so unless they are check marks on a list, we are apt to forget what we accomplished.

If we ignore or forget all the intangibles that we have accomplished, we can easily feel that we have achieved nothing and that's not a feeling that is going to encourage us. If we keep track of the intangibles we can look back over a time and pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves for "getting 'er done". A little self-congratulations can be just what we need to keep ourselves focused and motivated.

As you know, I like to make to jewelery and at the end of the day there is a real thing to show for my efforts, but I think that I am also learning to make lists, the check marks are real too. I enjoy being able to say "look what I got done" even on a day when I didn't actually make jewelry.

Try it, you might just like it.
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Things are happening or shameless self-promotion

This particular post is simply to provide an update of activities that are coming up for me as far as summer shows and other interesting dates and developments:

On June 27th, at 2PM, my jewelry will be featured alongside the spectacular work of Viktor's Blue Rose Salon, Spa & Boutique at Fusions, Main St., Woodstock. Models will be sporting hair and make-up from the salon and wearing my gorgeous jewellery. A great time to enjoy some of Fusions finest coffees, relax and browse.

The City of Fredericton, as an arts capital of Canada, is hosting an Artist's Market from July 2-5 at Officers' Square. This market will be a visual feast, as it is designed specifically for practicing artists and artisans who paint, sculpt, draw and create one of a kind work. This is not a craft show but a real exhibition of one-off art pieces. Not to be missed if you appreciate fine art and handcraft.

The following weekend, I am in Rothesay at the New Brunswick Crafts Council Fine Craft Festival being held July 11 & 12. Crafts Council events are wonderful way to acquire quality handcrafted goods. Council members' work is held to a high standard even for production pieces. Come on out and show your support for artisan work in NB.

A short break and then Halifax.... for the Nova Scotia Designer Crafts Council Summer Market, July 24 - 26. Again, high quality artisan goods, since you can't be in show if you haven't met the standards of the coucil. The market is held at the corner of Spring Garden Road and Queen Street in Halifax. That will be a busy area on Saturday afternoon as the Halifax Pride Parade passes the show grounds. A great opportunity to show your support for both artisans and our human diversity. I know that I have some great pix from last year's event and look forward to this year's.

That about sums up July which will be busy, and I'll be making new things for the shows.

This month, there is still some custom work to finish up, like this piece that I just completed the weave on last night:
It is ammolite, that flashes orange to green with a strong blue segment at one side of the fossil. The top stone is a 2.7ct fire opal with a smoldering yellow tone with interesting plays of red and green, and the bottom is an emerald cabochon weighing in at nearly 4ct. The three stones are all ones that I cut. It is 14K gold-fill, which I don't work in often, opting for sterling mostly. The beads that are incorporated into the weave are emerald, citrine and carnelian facetted rondelles. It isn't often that I make a custom piece that I wish I could keep, this is one of those rare occasions where I am totally smitten with my work. Fortunaltely though, I do know the lady (Mom of a good friend) that requested this piece, so it is going to a good home.

For those that are interested, Fredericton's Pride Week is June 20-27. BOOM nightclub on Queen will be hosting events and has been busy with fund raising activities.

The New Brunswick Crafts Council is opening Productive Hands, a NBCC initiative, gallery store at the Casemates on the corner of Queen and Carleton. Sometime this summer I will be doing some demo work at the casemate, I'll tell you when I know more.

I have an application in to the Fredericton Arts Alliance for their Artist's in Residence program, also held at the Casemates. I won't know if I have been successful in securing a week long residency until next week sometime. Keeping my fingers crossed for good results though.

Even if the residency doesn't come through, you can't go wrong when you get an email like this one from a long-distance but frequent client:

"WOW
Hello Cynthia - The necklace is here and it is perfect! I love the shapes and the size - it will be just right for our friend ..... I always really appreciate the time you take to write about the stone and how you worked with it. You even made it in March which the Irish girl will like since
that is when St. Patrick's Day is.
And then . . . I found a little something extra! Thanks so much - I'll wear them today and tomorrow for the party. I really like them a lot.
You're the best, Cynthia. Thanks for the speedy response, checking your stash, and the wonderful pieces.
Take care,
P.... "

Completely unsolicited and just in this morning. WOW, a little praise never hurts an artist's feelings. When the party is over, don't want to spoil a surprise, I'll edit this and post a pic.

Yesterday, while I was out running around Freddie, I had an accidental lunch with a gentleman who is a rep for Crocs... you know, I may just have to change my opinion of them, especially after seeing some of the heels that they are designing now.

Hope your week is going well and coming together too.

Off to run more errands and go to an appointment.

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Purpose

Ever wonder what your purpose for existing is?
Ever wonder why you are here?

The answer is surprisingly simple: Your passion is your purpose.

The not so simple part is figuring out what you are passionate about.
The hard part is actually committing yourself to pursuing your passion.
The really hard part is doing it.
The next hardest part is doing it regardless of how crazy it seems to you.
The hardest of all is committing yourself to your passion when your friends and family think it's crazy too.

The best life you can have is in doing it regardless and thus you justify your existence.

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Countermanding Success

A touch of fatalism has set in since I got back to NB from my “vacation” that was two pampered weeks of doing little more than reading, writing and pushing a button to produce espresso.

While on vacation at my friend’s place, I was able to avoid the usual drudgery of domesticity. The only laundry to wash was my own, dishes were plunked in a dishwasher as compared to me plunking my hands in a dishpan twice a day, floors were ignored as the broom had been used the previous week to sweep mouse droppings from the garage and a replacement had not yet been acquired, likely hasn’t been yet. I did the nice thing and cleaned the bathrooms, as much for my own sanity and good sanitation as anything. Stripped the most gawdawful wallpaper border out of the master bath, face it, my friend writes about war, he’s not into pussycats, moonbeams, sunflowers and butterflies, unless they have something to do with Cold War and Nukes, of which I have yet to find evidence.

Even cooking was off my radar for the most part, he barbeques, he makes good bacon & eggs and uses a microwave like a pro. Life was easy, get up, get caffeinated, breakfast (either being cooked or I had breakfast kibbles as desired), either stay put and write or read on a warm sunny deck or toddle off to the local Starbuck’s for the morning round of writing. Lunch was either in or out, as was supper. Movie and/or conversation in the evenings, if we weren’t out with friends. Lost weight while I was there too, no snacking, it’s a surprisingly easy habit to break when there isn’t any being brought in the house. The only regret is not finishing off the bottle of Shiraz that is likely still sitting where I left it on the kitchen sideboard 2 weeks ago.

This schedule was surprisingly productive for me, I finished a couple of pen & ink drawings that had been sitting untouched for months, wrote both a lot of prose and poetry (a lot of it real bad though). Took photographs, none worth much of a mention, and did a lot of planning that may result in some good presentations if I finish them.

The fatalism in my case is the result of too many years of habit that has grown into the expectation that certain things will be so for the remainder of this household. It is a hard pattern to break and here I am noon time with the dishes from last evening’s grazing (after supper snacking) and this morning’s breakfasts done. Two loads of laundry washed and out on the line, as compared to the simple act of tossing them in a dryer, a clean bathroom (well almost). Bed made, neatly as compared to tossing the comforter on top and leaving it, clothes picked up again vs. being tossed into piles and sorted through only as necessary to find the T-shirt that is wanted or clean undies. It’s not my partner that expects this of me. It is me that expects this because I expect that the remainder of the household members expect this of me.

So again, here I am at noon with nothing more done for myself than email checks, news updates, espresso in hand at last, and I am now thinking about what to make for supper so that it is on the table for 5:30. I have approximately 4 hours to myself at this point to work on my art, and I wonder why I never seem to think that I can get full day in, in the studio.

The insanity of this is that I thought that things might change when I got back, I didn’t, though now I recognize that this is not a productive pattern for me, as an artist that wishes to make the most of my day. Just because the studio is across the driveway from the house doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be in it and it doesn’t mean that it is a less important job than that of the people that leave home to go to school or drive 10 minutes to their business or 20 minutes to their job.

I have to relearn that this is not how my day needs to be, and I have to change my own expectations in regards to domestic duties taking precedence over all of my arts. Their clean knickers do not sell at a show, a spotless bath is not a picture to frame, and it doesn’t make me a happier or more productive person, especially when productivity is a large part of how I define success.

So for any of you that have actually followed this post to this point, the question is this: what are you doing that countermands your definition of success and therefore is actually holding you back from achieving it?

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Spring

A selection of spring narcissus and daffodils:


Salmon pink daffodils:


Trout Lilies or Dog Tooth Violets:


Rhododendron in bloom buzzing with bees:


Painted Trilliums:


My favorite fluffy yellow and orange daffodil:


Maple leaves just starting out:


An early narcissus:

Pileated Woodpecker totem:

Fire the Customer

Last year a jewellery colleague and I were speaking about custom work.

I suspect that most of us have encountered the problem of being asked to produce an item that we have agreed to make and then find ourselves completely without inspiration or ability to meet the request. “What to do?” becomes the question.

You will recognize that you have fallen victim to this when you know that it will fail to meet the client’s expectations as well as your own.

This conundrum occurs most often when have already produced impressive work and receive numerous compliments from the client. They will go on at length about how wonderful the pieces are, how talented you are and how much they think that you are the answer to solving their problem of producing the work that they have in mind. Inevitably, this ego boost from their praise will lull us into a belief that we really can do what they want. Reality hits later back in the studio and we begin to procrastinate on the project.

First, we are unable to come up with a design in our own head, let alone produce a basic drawing of the proposed design, based on the notes and quick sketches made during conversation with them. Secondly, as the deadline looms we start to panic and wonder why we are not able to do this. Thirdly, we start to look for a reason to escape the work; we start to defer it in favor of other projects, even the mundane of domesticity.

This should give you a clue that you are attempting to make something that is beyond your ability.

There is nothing wrong with knowing your limits. Perhaps the request involves a skill set that you have not mastered to your own satisfaction or perhaps not even tried yet. The issue becomes trying to do this new thing with a lack of confidence in your own ability. Do you really want the custom work to be your first foray into the new?

Probably not. So the reasonable solution may well be to fire the customer instead of staying stuck in the problem. Staying stuck in the problem is self-defeating, your other work is not being done, nor are you building your own confidence and ability at this time. It is wasting your creative effort.

Firing the customer is only difficult because of the guilt that you may feel because you have “let the customer down” but your honesty may well win you some respect too.

Explain to the client the efforts that you did take to complete the work, let them know that you do not have the skills necessary to undertake the work at this time. If you plain to master the skills later, let them know when you think you will have done that. Suggest another colleague that you know can complete the job and allow the client the option to pursue the work elsewhere in the near future, or come back to you later when you have learned more.

There is no shame in indicating that you need to learn more and intend to do just that.

The ultimate reward of firing the customer is that you will have restored your own equilibrium and relieved yourself of a job that has been holding you back from pursuing other tasks that will reward you. The sense of relief is palpable for most of us.

My colleague fired her customer after we talked about this block. She felt a lot better after the firing and indicated that it was a real relief to her to not have this ‘scary’ project pending. She did indicate that her other work had suffered as a result of procrastinating on the custom work too.

I had to fire a customer early last year because the praise went to my head too. It was not easy to do, and it felt like a failing at the time, but it was a relief to me too, and the customer was glad to have her stones back and a reference to another jeweler in the region. I still have not taken the time to learn a very particular skill in creating soldered sterling brooches and I am not sure that I ever will, since it still does not interest me, but at least I know my limits in this regard now.

Moral: Know your limits and respect them but do not let that stop from trying new work when you are ready and willing to encounter the issues that relate to the learning curve; and sometimes we have to make decisions that we don’t like.

Starving Artist… redundant phrase?

The vision in my head last night was one of crossing the border and proceeding through customs with my passport, which simply lists my occupation as “Artist”. It is a straightforward word, which can be embellished upon with the words painter, photographer, sculptor, metalworker, lapidary…. The joke that occurred to me was that of being asked to explain what kind of artist, and instead of stating my art interests, I replied with “starving, what other kind is there?” Of course, my humour was well received in my little imagining; perhaps it would not go over so well in real life.

This personal humour combined with some articles that I have read and watched lately on “successful” artists, i.e. those that aren’t starving for money, lead me to the following musings:

1) We are all starving artists, regardless of the monetary success. We are all still hungry for something.

2) To insert the word “starving” in front of the word “artist” is redundancy at its finest.

I think that the issue for so many artists is that we have come to accept the definition of success as one of monetary means. If we make money, lots of money, the works sell, has representation in galleries, and orders keep pouring in, then success has been achieved. Add to this that the perception of the public is that the artist is no longer starving and voila, an artistic genius at work, but are we missing something when this is the only measurement we use?

The genius might be hard at work, filling the orders, creating the pieces that replicate the ones that the gallery sold. The genius is staying so busy in the studio that they have neither time to recharge, visit old friends, nor work on developing their own artistic voice and vision any further than where it was at the moment they were “discovered” and became “successful”. This is still a starving artist, one that hungers for quiet, vision, a moment of peace and a recovery of a sense of self.

The undiscovered artist makes do with whatever is at hand to work with, with whatever inspires and excites. Has time to develop new work based on old, and moves forward in style and technique based on their artistic vision. They never seem stuck, or rushed, but the money is always tight. They are starving for representation, hungry for a cash flow that would allow for better or more consistent supply of materials. They are starving for elusive financial success.

Both artists need to create, that is the nature of the artist, but both artists are still starving.

When the success of the artist is narrowly defined by money, the former is successful and unhappy, and the latter poor but inspired. Hardly seems to be a winning combination in any case.

Artist is not a narrow word, there are multitudes of types and styles of artist, so too then artistic success should be defined as broadly. If the artist would no more limit themselves to one type of paper or brush or pen or stone or figure, then why should success be limited to one definition?

As an artist, who dislikes redundancy in a statement, there needs to be a better way to define artistic success, like having enough money to get by comfortably, but enough time and control over the work to remain in forward motion, which also means a willingness to try new ideas, risk rejection and occasionally fire the “too demanding client”. I know one thing for sure, that defining my success as an artist beyond the standard measure of money, makes me a much happier person, and that’s a success too.