My Cinderella Issue

In the original Grimm's Fairy Tale (GFT), I don't think that Cinderella was the helpless waif that the North American (NA) sanitized an beautified versions of the tale makes her out to be. I think that she a lot more spunk and she wasn't constantly sitting around bemoaning her terrible fate, whining at mice and waiting for the rodents and avian life to build her a dress for the ball. I also don't recall that Prince Charming was such a twit either, dancing around and believing that this was the "Princess" that would make his life complete. Grimm's seemed to imply that his life was already complete and well rounded and that the addition of Cinderella would simply enrich it. They weren't really saving each others butts in the original so much as providing opportunity for change and betterment.

My issue with the NA is that multiple generations of youth have grown up on that sucrose laden pablum, as compared to the more austere, violent and truthful GFT. I believe that this has left millions of children, young adults and some of us approaching middle age with a false sense of our own importance and the cultural implication that we need to be rescued. That someone will ride in and if the shoe fits, haul our sorry posteriors out of the ash pile and turn our lives from drudgery and damnation to a full time night club scene minus the pumpkin hour. In turn, the rider's life is going to become rich and whole because they made a rescue. Baloney, all you have are two needy people desperately seeking solace in the other and in turn constantly dragging each other further and further into their own personal morasses of misery.

What if the modern day Cinderella stopped whining and started doing? What if she found a bucket of water and washed her face and hands, combed her hair and mended her dress? What if she went into the village and looked for a job, any job, and just started to get out of the house and away from her negative environment. What if she stopped waiting to be rescued by the Prince and started her own rescue? Would teaching a little self-sufficiency to our youth be such a bad thing?

Let's face it, in the NA story, Prince is riding around with a glass slipper, that's a deadly weapon. What happens to the idea of doing some rescuing if he trips, falls and slits his throat on the broken shards? By the way, why does he need a whinging, whining broad for when he's the heir apparent and supposed to be busy doing a job of helping look after a kingdom. What's he really need with a woman to make his life complete? Enriched maybe, but not complete, because it should already be full and busy. He's a focused dude, not some love-struck puppy wandering around looking for a john so he can toss it off while he's waiting to try the 50's-look glass pump on his one and only.

Come on here people, what are we doing to ourselves when this is the drivel we are prepared to live off of? When this is what we are basing part of our societal structures on? Is it any wonder we are a confused bunch? Liberated, but waiting for him/her to rescue and fulfill us. Corporate climbing successes but still a failure without a full time marriage. Happiness is impossible without a partner. Love is the ultimate prize. Love is the only true success story. Why can't we be a success just because we are a whole person, doing something worthwhile as individuals? Why do we have to make the rescue/relationship the big story of our lives? What happens to our life when the rescue is over and the person is gone? We don't look too good, we don't feel too good, and we have belly-flopped, mega-cannonball splashed, big time failed. This is just a bad construct to have filling the minds of our youth. The media of cartoons and modern stories is not in tune with the rest of messages that we are trying to impart to those who wish to be successful adults.

Rewrite the story: You are a whole person with multiple interests and lots of people and things that you do that you enjoy in your life, all you don't have is full-time love relationship. Do you need one? Not really, it isn't what is going to make you happy because you already are happy. You are already fulfilled and self-reliant, but you give it a try because, well, if it works, your life might be a bit richer for it, if it fails, you still have your happiness and a full life. If the person that you try is already a happy, whole person, you are not rescuing, they are not needy, and they will add to, rather than take away from your life. Much better ending for everyone because now you are not busting your balls to back-fill the pits for another person who is sitting around uselessly gobbling up everything in sight as a way to ease their own psychic pain.

Neediness is a big hole and it takes a lot to fill it, that's why Cinderella needs the big castle and all the trappings to go with the Prince. She might be a nice girl, but she is one huge vacuum of narcissistic self-doubt and is totally devoid of self-confidence. If she hadn't been whining in the cinder pit, waiting for the fairy-godmother, she could have been fashioning together a drop-dead ensemble, bought on sale, paid for with her tips from Starbucks, and because she talks to so many people everyday at her job, she's already got the confidence to take on Princy and all the other fashionistas at the ball. She's not needy, she's one tough cookie with the chutzpah to take over the world. She doesn't need Princy, but if she decides she wants him, she'll try him on for size. If he doesn't fit into her life, she'll just head for the next ball.

As I said, I have a real Cinderella issue, and I personally detest the dichotomy that this type of media message has produced in me, on the one hand, supposed to be a capable self-sufficient woman but on the other, my life is not complete unless I am saved by Princy. I am so upset with the realization that I got gobbled up in the modern myth, like so many other women and men that I know, that I could burn the castle, slit Princy's throat with my own high heel and run mice through with a machete. If fairy-godmother ever shows, I think I will have to tell her to go do another kind of rescuing, start educating people that waiting to be rescued is wrong and useless and that changing your attitude to be bit more "can do" is the best possible remedy to the cinder pit of life.

untitled

For a moment I have to revert to the seemingly cliche art title of 'untitled'. Sometimes the work that we are doing does not seem to have a particular focus nor does the body of work seem to have a theme nor does it suggest it name so for now it is 'untitled'.

I had the good fortune to spend a day with my good friend Dave, just jabbering away about everything and nothing.

The everything includes the CD is he working on recording. I am looking forward to the end of the summer as that is the predicted completion date for it. To me, he has a wonderful voice and good solid guitar skill, and I already know that I am biased. It will be largely comprised of his own compositions and that is a departure for Dave in his recordings where he has already worked with a few other artists and recorded a lot of folk music. I think that this work will be edgier and a lot more fun to listen to.

We tossed about some philosophical discussion on life, hinted at a few collaborative ideas and discussed nothing in the form of how, with summer heat and humidity approaching, that antiperspirants make for unsightly gobs of sticky greyish-white goop in one's arm-pit hair.

There is something to be said for taking time for a lot of coffee, which is far cheaper to rent than beer, with an old friend. It leads to a lot of off the wall topics, a lot of belly laughs, and a clearer head for going back into the studio to get the jobs done that are immediately pending. It's also good to have already planned the next escape from the studio and in effect the initial pursuit of a possible project.

Promise kept

I said that I would blog today and I refuse to not keep this commitment.

A blog that I love and read this morning discussed professional jealousy - yep, been there and felt the monster growing inside too. Also been on the receiving end too. Either way, it's a pretty unpleasant experience.

The challenge presented to me by the read this AM was this: how do I handle it when I am the jealous monster? The answer: Not well, not well at all. I run, I hide, I sulk, I bemoan my seeming lack of skill and promptly retire into a funk from which I have to kick myself in the seat of my pants to refocus and motivate myself.

It seems that we are not alone in this either. David has been having an ongoing email conversation with a childhood friend and a fellow artisan for the past couple of days. She's been there too, both as a giver and receiver. The problem with jealousy is that this not a situation where it is better to be a giver than a receiver either.

Maybe this jealous streak is pretty normal in the arts world, otherwise what would inspire to try 'new' things and to stretch beyond our comfort zone? What would inspire the willingness to compete?

If you have a different answer, let me know.

The best solution that I have found for me with this problem, when the monster arises, is to be thankful. It's the quickest cure for me and it is the most humbling and often constructive. When we feel it hit, and it usually does by knocking us straight back on our behinds, is to start being thankful for the opportunities that we have and will have, for the talent we already have and will polish, for the recognition that we have received already for our work and for what we will receive, even if it is only to acknowledge that pay-day is Friday. We start to realize that we are better off than some folks at that point and that is a 'good thing'.

Finally dusting myself off after a poor weekend and starting to feel more capable already.

Cheers,
-C

Got the Blues

The last few days have been different. I have felt a certain lack of ambition and am decidedly lackluster in my efforts.

It is not a comfortable place to be even though I have been getting a few pieces made at the bench.

Some people would tell me that I have a case of the blues or that I am wallowing in self-pity. The problem with this particular state is that I really am feeling nothing except frustration with feeling so little.

I am looking for a reason for this melancholy. I want it to be a real reason not just something that I can construe as an excuse.

Having done a fair bit of reading about artists, past & present, and their temperaments, I have learned that many of them suffer from melancholy moods, if not other more serious psychiatric illnesses. They also never seemed to need a reason for their mood or state of mind, it was a part of being.

Ironically, the thought that crosses my mind with that, is perhaps I just don't always like the state of being. Wry humour at work. And also with that thought comes the realization that I haven't had a lot to laugh about lately and that more than anything, I need some social time. I need to get out my studio and out my own head.

Being in the studio is one thing but being in a decent frame of mind to get some work done in an enjoyable fashion is another. A few days away to visit an aunt, do a one day show and spend some time away can hardly come soon enough now.

Just the thought of a change lightens my mood a bit.

Cheers till later,
Cynthia